blackpulp

On a daily basis I wonder where the world is going. I feel overwhelmed by all of the decisions waiting to be made. What to eat for breakfast? A granola bar? Fruit mix? Toasted wheat with Silk? What should I do? Work out? Write? Find someone to put up with me for a couple of hours? I combine these seemingly mundane decisions with larger ones that loom just as continuously. When will I find love again, and how? Should I have professed my feelings for that boy who I've been trying to brush off? Should I slip my number to a couple of attractive waiters I find in the coming weeks? Perhaps the best thing to do is to wait it out - wait for love to find me. But then, What do I want to do with my career? Become an English teacher, using my job as a way to impact the lives of students for nearly five hours every week, shaping their minds with my own awkward ideas of humanity? Can I count on bringing in a stable income by trying to get some poetry published in a book or two?
The paths that lie open to me multiply when I factor in the people I know and love - hell, even the people I detest.
Who is going to care for my mother as she ages? Do I need to start putting aside income to make sure my mother can live comfortably on her own without a job? Who is going to pay for her prescriptions when the health insurance runs out? How will she avoid depression as she grows old living alone? When my friends go to different colleges, how will we remain in touch, and who will I spend my free time with? Will I spend massive amounts of money on sending my friends letters and gives every week so that we remain close in some way? What if they find new friends and no longer value the bond we once so purely held? Even scarier, what if I never find good friends again, and spend all of my free time sitting in local clubs trying to pick people up? What if the United States goes to war with Iran? Will I have to worry about protecting myself from chemical warfare? Should I analyze the probability of being part of a draft? What freedoms of mine will remain intact as the United States moves closer to becoming one large police state?
The human world, much unlike the Earth that it has been built upon, dwindles on a weak axis that trembles in the winds of spring and the light flakes that fall from the aether in November. Every action, every decision - even one as simple as turning around to pick up a stray piece of trash, or smiling at an old couple rocking to and fro on a white porch - produces consequences that reverberate through an endless amount of lives. Like a drop of water produces ripples that echo over the surface of a pond, every move we make affects the rest of the universe.

Karma?

I'm working on this 'life after first love' thing. It's much more difficult than I would have imagined. It's hard getting back to a normal life of being by myself, but maybe by this time next week I'll be a little better. I need a job as soon as possible. That's the only way out of this place.